I'm really starting to feel the nerves and jitters when I think about my surgery being in less than 3 days!!

Have a made the right decision?

Should I have tried harder to loose the weight naturally?

Will I be successful?  As the popularity of this procedure goes UP, the success rate have been going DOWN.

Am I sure I'm done having kids?  It's ill-advised for gastric bypass patients to bear children after this procedure.  Or, as my surgeon put it today when I saw him " It would be catastrafic  and very detrimental to your health if you get pregnant".  YIKES!!  

My life is about to change dramatically.  I can't even comprehend how different my life is going to be!  

I stopped at a local gas station today to use the ATM.  I automatically walked over to the coolers and grabbed a 'Mountain Dew'.  As I drove to my destination, sipping on my favorite drink, I realized that after Monday I would NEVER be able to consume this beverage again.

Ok, to many of you, you're probably thinking I'm being ridiculous and petty.  Those of you who have addictions understand what I'm saying.  Alcohol, cigarettes, chocolate, caffeines.... This has been my drink of choice since my high school days!  Shame on the school systems for allowing vending machines in cafeterias!  They made me a monster!!

You know when your like 38weeks pregnant & you begin to experience "nesting"?  You clean the whole house from top to bottom DAILY.  You wash all baby's clothes....twice!!  You make lists upon lists to ensure you're ready for your little ones arrival.  Well, I have been nesting!!  Cleaning, reorganizing, cleaning, working in the yard, cleaning, redecorating...did I mention cleaning?  LOL  I guess I'm aware that recovery for this isn't going to be easy & it may be weeks before I can push a vacuum or bend over to scrub the tub.  It sickens me to think that my whole house may go to crap while I'm out of commission.  

I'm planning on being in the hospital for 3 days.  Philip has rarely ever been alone with our children for 3 hours- forget 3 days!!  I've never left my babies before!  I mean, I gave birth to Payton & left Jackson with friends, but that was slightly different..well, not really, but still!! I've been shopping like a mad women making sure everybody has their favorite foods and drinks.  I have begun making meals by the masses to ensure that even though I won't be easting real food for 4-6weeks, that the rest of my family is able to thrive and survive!!  

I don't want to leave Philip notes about how to take care of the kids....but part of me wants to!  I don't want to insult him though.  He's a great Dad and if anyone should be able to step up to the plate and hold down the fort while I'm away and once Im home recovering, it should be him, right?

Well, scared or not. Sure or unsure. Ready or not- I'm going through with this!

Wish me luck!

See you on the other side!

Make room on the losers bench for me!